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How to write good (humor)
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Subject and verb always has to agree.

 

When dangling, watch your participles.

 

Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.

 

If you must use a foreign term, it is de rigour to spell it correctly.

 

It behoves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.

 

Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.

 

Mixed metaphors are unstable foundations for flights of fancy.

 

Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct

.

Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

 

Consult the dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.

 

Don't use tautological pleonasms.

 

Don't repeat yourself and avoid being repetitive.

 

Puns are for children, not for readers who are groan.

 

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

 

Don't use no double negatives.

 

Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out

 

Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how othersuse them.

 

Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

 

Avoid colloquial stuff.

 

No sentence fragments.

 

Always finish what you sta

 

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

 

Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)

 

Employ the vernacular.

 

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

 

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

 

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

 

Contractions aren't necessary.

 

One should never generalise.

 

"Don't use unattributed quotations"

 

"Tell me what you know."

 

Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

 

Never use two words where a single expression will do.

 

Be more or less specific.

 

Understatement is always best.

 

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

 

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

 

The passive voice is to be avoided.

 

Who needs rhetorical questions?

 

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

 

It is recommended that measures should be taken to ensure that the length of sentences is not excessive and that the complexity of said sentences is reduced. [KISS]

 

Refrain from being indirect.

 

Never insult the bunch of morons that make up your readership.

 

Abstraction is to be avoided.

 

The writer should not annoy half of his readers by using gender-specific language.

 

The recommendation is for the use of verbs rather than nouns.

 

Spelling chequers all ways get it write.

 

Always cite the sources of any material you have lifted.

 

(i.e. we apologise to the author(s) of most of the maxims above,

but we don't know your name(s)...)

 

(NCWritertoo is a retired journalist who worked as a writer for over 25 years. Email her at ncwritertoo@yahoo.com)